I went home to attend Amy and John's wedding (a command preformance). The whole trip can be divided into several parts. This is the first one.

I spent a couple of days hanging out with Mom and Dad, getting over jet lag so I could enjoy the wedding.

The wedding was beautiful, but the experience was bitter and sweet on many levels.

First the sweet; I saw many friends and relatives that I had not seen in years. I had a good talk with Tom Mano and Ruth Dixon, for example, which opened up many memories.

Prior to graduating from Law School, I helped lawyers at Seattle Legal Services challenge, defeat and replace a wrong-headed child support rule adopted by the Department of Social and Health Services. That rule, stated simply, was that the absent parent of a child on welfare paid the lesser of (1) the amount of child support ordered by a judge in a divorce or (2) the entire amount of the welfare paid the custodial parent. The lawsuit the lawyers filed resulted in the DSHS being ordered to set child support using the same principles judges used in divorces (basically *ability to pay*).

What does all that have to do with Tom, Ruth and the wedding? Well, Ruth was the one on welfare, and Tom Mano and my brother suggested that Ruth's husband go to legal services to talk to me.

The whole case arose out my extended family.

Some more of the bitter: I have not been a part of the lives of the people at the wedding. Had Jo and I toughed it out (if I had controlled drug use and gambling), the relationships would have been much closer and I would not have had to keep saying, “I am Amy’s uncle Jim; her father’s brother.” Feeling like a stranger at your brother's daughter's wedding is a drag.

More bitter: Dad passed out at Amy’s wedding.

More sweet: After I busted him for it, he stopped drinking martinis.

I confronted Dad about his drinking after Amy's wedding. He denied passing out of course, so I asked him about John’s beautiful *Father’s* speech. He acknowledged that he didn't remember it. (BTW, it was an outstanding speech.) I asked him if he would like to be able to remember his son's speech at his grand-daughter's wedding. He acknowledged that he would like to be able to remember that. When I told him that he was an alcoholic, he denied it. I suggested he prove that by not drinking for a week.
A day or so later, while out to dinner with Mom and me at Anthony’s Home Port, he ordered a martini. I said that I would prefer that he didn't so he cancelled the order. We had a lovely conversation about Green Belt, Boeing, the Finks and Jarvis Stixrood (among other topics). After the meal I told him that I really enjoyed the conversation. I had further conversations and repeated the compliment a couple of other times during my visit. I explicitly connected the quality of the conversations to his sobriety.

To the best of my knowledge the only alcohol he has had since Amy's wedding is a glass of wine at dinner. We went out to eat many nights and he had wine only if Mom did. If she did not order wine, they drank water.

More later.